I’m not going to give my opinion on “how computers changed the world”.   No need to.  It would come off sounding a little cliche and negative, and for the most part I do love technology.  The other day I spent some time with my homeboys shuffling through a stack of old VHS video tapes, and the highlight for me were certainly the old video game commercials.  I had this tape of first run airings of Batman the Animated Series, and seeing the commercials for the Super NES and Sega Genesis really got me thinking…PSHH!  What am I talking about?  I think about this stuff everyday!  I figured if I came up with a nice segway, it would make me seem less pathetic.  Sometimes I wonder if people I went to grade school with will ever stumble upon this blog and be in total shock that 20 years later, I’m still ranting and raving about the SNES and Genesis.  It’s kinda sad really.  I mean, I consider myself to be in a good place.  I have a great job as an art teacher, I’m making movies, and writing albums…but I can’t help but cringe a little that perhaps someone is reading this and laughing at me.  Oh well.  Here is my ode to more 16-bit era games.

There are a handful of things that I miss about the old days.  Again, I am not going to harp and complain about things being better 20 years ago.  I hate that.  I’m currently smarter, have no acne, and can grow a beard.  Things are okay now.  But if I can take just a moment to whine about one thing, it’s that technology has completely ruined the mystery and mystique of discovering secrets hidden deep within  in video games.  People hack apart and discover everything in a matter of days.  It’s kinda lame.  Where is the fun in that?  So,  for your reading AND viewing pleasure, I am going to waste some valuable time today sharing a list of my favorite video game urban legends .  With each entry will be a rushed and sloppy Photoshop mock-up.  My goal is to entertain, but I would love to hear some feedback on some of your favorite playground deceptions.  Kids are great liars.  I’d believe anything you’d tell me about an undiscovered hidden character or code in a game, but to those poor bastards who tried to convince me that there were more than one Ultimate Warrior were in for a fight.  I knew that was BS.  Jim Hellwig has always been the Warrior.  Fact!  Anyway, lets list some lies.

1.) JUMPING THE FLAGPOLE IN SUPER MARIO BROS. (NES)

This is one that I think is most common.  We’ve all tried it.  We know it’s possible with a Game Genie super mega jump code.  We were totally disappointed to see that it goes on forever and nothing at all happened.  So why place this on the list?  It’s simple, because the stories I was told of what lies beyond the flagpole were so absurd, that it just  has to be mentioned.  I can tell several stories, but my absolute favorite has to be this one.  Are you ready for this?

“Hey dude, last night my friend’s cousin’s boyfriend showed me this way you can jump the flagpole in Mario, and there is a secret castle that lets you play Sega games on your NES.”

I can not make this up.  I’m sure you’re thinking, “You believed this?!”  Yes.  I was six years old.  Cut me some slack.  This is what I picture the secret to look like were it true.  This was difficult.

2.) Mortal Kombat - Nudality (Genesis/SNES/Arcade)

I spent my last blog entry expressing my love for the pit, so I can spare you that story, but I will say my love for Mortal Kombat grew strongly based on it’s secret factor.  The original Mortal Kombat’s secrets were a hot schoolyard topic.  There are a lot of really well known Mortal Kombat urban legends, a lot of which grew so huge that the creators of the game later implemented them into the  sequels.  Ermac, the rumored red ninja from MK1 secured a spot in Ultimate MK3.  The same was true for the Animality finisher.  But there is one notorious “ality” that Midway and the MK team never touched.  For those kids who tried to watch scrambled late night Cinemax, the nudality was the only glimmer of hope for full frontal ( or at least side view) nakedness .  The infamous code, once performed, would allow Sonya to be played totally naked in the game.  Two things blow my mind about this code.  Okay, maybe three.  1.)  More than just one kid claimed to have seen this.  2.) A magazine would have had to have published this.  3.) These are digitized actors!!!  How akward would it have been for Ed Boon and John Tobias to say to the Sonya model, “Alright, we’ve wrapped your clothed move set, time to strip it down and do it all over again, this time, totally naked!  Shake a leg!”  It’s kinda funny actually, but soooo highly unlikely.  The lady who eventually went on to play Sonya in MK3 and various other Midway games, Kerri Hoskins, was indeed a Playboy model, but still, that is totally impossible.  I also picture a scenario where the president of Midway walks into the studio during the nude green screen capturing to check up on progress of the game.  Wow, this is a perfect setup for erotic fan fiction folks.  Feel free to leave it in the comments section.

3.) NBA JAM - Play as (insert 90’s celebrity) (Arcade)

I’m not a big sports fan, but I really loved the NBA in the early 90’s.  Everyone seemed so larger than life.  Maybe I’m wrong, but it seems like today there are no nicknames like the Mailman, Air, Spud, Doctor J, Magic, and Bird.  Wait, Bird was his real name.  Anyway, today the NBA seems kinda lame.  In my backyard I had one basketball poll with 2 backboards.  One was intended for me to shoot on, and one that was lowered below it, to dunk on.  I wish I had a picture of that set up.  Maybe I do.  I’ll check later, but it all started with my love of NBA JAM and it’s seemingly endless supply of secrets and codes. NBA JAM really perfected the secret character.  Not only in variety, but the way you entered a code, gave the player the opportunity to make some safe guesses for finding hidden characters.  For example, the most famous secret player in NBA JAM is without a doubt Bill Clinton.  On the start up screen, when prompted to input your three letter initials, entering  ARK with the right button combination, allowed you to play as Slick Willy.  Get it?  ARK?  He’s from Arkansas!  This opened the floodgates for lies!  Some of the codes, like playing as Sub-Zero and Scorpion were limited to early versions of the arcade game and Saturn version only, so there were differences in secert characters between ports.  Anyway, here are my favs that I was totally suckered into believing as a young lad.

PBS - Let’s you play as Barney the Dinosaur.  Not sure why I would have wanted to, but I tried.

MTV - Lets you play as Beavis and Butt-Head.  I had no idea what licensing meant as a kid.

AIR - Speaking of licensing, a lot of real life NBA stars were omitted for this reason.  Michael Jordan was the big one, and probably the one everyone desired the most.  We were pretty confused why the greatest player of all time would not have been included in the game.  MJ’s code of AIR came with a little work according to one method I was told.  After inputting the initials as AIR, you had to then pick the Chicago Bulls and somehow allow Scottie Pippen to be knocked around so much that Jordan would then come in and sub.  What’s even crazier, is that this elephant like memory of mine just kicked in, and I remember the exact time and place I was told this story.  I was on my 5th grade trip to Mammoth Cave Park in Kentucky.  Some moron I had to sit next to on the bus was eyeballing my Game Gear.  At one point, while trying to do the trick, I remember him saying “Dude, I think you did it!”  Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever played NBA JAM on the Game Gear, but EVERYONE LOOKS THE SAME!  Hey, maybe I did do the code…

The funny thing is, years later I discovered that Michael Jordan had his own custom arcade cabinet built with his likeness and his stats maxed out.  How cool is that?  In the same article I found that out, it also mentioned NBA JAM arcade games being haunted.  I think I’ll save that entry for another day.  Maybe closer to Halloween.

That’s the short list!  In closing, I’d like to say that there are tons of games I failed to mention, and maybe one day I’ll write a sequel to this article, but for now I want to hear some feedback from you guys!  Currently, there is a lot of buzz over an undiscovered secret in Mega Man 9.  I love this.  The game has been out for almost a year, and we still can’t figure it out.  Props to Capcom.  Everyone is hacking away and they still can’t find it.  Note to game developers - we need more of this!

I knew I had to make this announcement today, and I think that’s why I didn’t sleep very well.  At 4AM this morning I was shuffling around words and phrases in my heard as to how I would open this letter.  Sadly, I don’t quite remember exactly how it went, but I remember it being really good and telling myself not to forget it.  I forgot most of it, but I’m pretty sure it was supposed to go something like this…

When you have children, you want what’s best for your them.  You gave birth to them, you gave them life, and you want to see them grow and succeed.  Imagine sending your child to college without knowing how to read…it’s backwards.  That’s kind of a stupid example, but I swear I thought of something that sounded better as I was trying to force myself back to sleep this morning. What I’m trying to say is, I gave life to an idea, and I got way too far in over my head.  I have a solution now, as to how O make things right, and give my child what I know is best.  This is getting really stupid.  Okay, what I’m saying is I had a great idea for a feature film, tried to make it on a shoestring budget, ran out of money, and realized two years later that it should have been a graphic novel all along.  

There you have it folks, MMSBC is now under development as a graphic novel.

I guess there is no other way to put it.  I did things backwards.  Making movies has always been an extreme obsession of mine.  Up until I was ready to make MMSBC, (which is Monster Management Security Bureau of Cincinnati, for those who do not know)  the films of Main Moon (my production company) were just really silly at best.  Our first flick, The Looney Norman Big Fish Movie, was a Blair Witch style mockumentary that was a joke about three years too late.  Though only funny to about five people on the planet, the film stands out as a success to me because it was the first film that we actually completed. On top of that, we even managed to have a public screening.  Following Looney were a couple of short black and white stories about girlfriends and working in arcades, which were met with open arms by a wider audience, and opened the door for me to meet some other fine film makers and actors.

MMSBC was the brainchild of myself and my good pal “Booty” Josh Treadway.  I’m not 100 percent sure how, but we got to talking about Sentai as a television genre in Japan.  For those uneducated to the brand, Sentai is what we know in the US as Power Rangers or Ultraman.  Spandex clad heroes, giant robots, and giant monsters.  By the time Power Rangers hit big in the US, I was honestly probably at an age where it wasn’t that cool to watch the show, but I was still hooked.  I think it was around the time that a boy would begin taking an interest in ladies, and I was definitely interested in Amy Jo Johnson.  I especially loved Power Rangers knock off shows like VR Troopers.  My favorite is without a doubt the USA Networks Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters from Beverly Hills!  Say that even one time fast!  There was something undeniably charming about the mountain of cheese these shows put fourth, and I wanted in on it.  What if Sentai teams were a normal thing in Japan, and each major US city was beginning to adopt a squad?  That was my original outline for a Sentai film back in 2005, when pre production consisted of figuring out how to make helmets out of paper mache.  As time passed, and the idea sat on the back burner, I pitched the idea to an actress who had worked on a short film I directed called Bizarre Love Triangle.  Her brash and abrasive attitude and lust for success led me to hire her as my producer.  This was a girl who got things done.  She was rude, vulgar…what am I saying?  Why did I feel like this would get me anywhere?  It’s simple.  She believed in me.  She believed in me when no one else would.  By 2006, Main Moon was suffering.  We didn’t have a TV show anymore, Josh was moving to Florida, Andy was about to get married…it was truly on it’s last leg.  I had felt all kinds of pressure coming at me to quit chasing my dreams and pack up everything and kick the Peter Pan syndrome.  I was really torn at this point in my life, and because I suppose every good story pulls from real life, this turning point set the stage for the new and improved MMSBC screenplay.  To save you from the boring real life version, I’ll just say, everything that was unfolding in the script, happened to manifest in real life as the movie was being made.  The difference was I didn’t have super powers to fend off the evil, and I was somewhat defeated in the end.  There are several reasons why the film was unable to be completed, and I could write a book on that problem alone.  

This is the best possible way to tell my story, and I have met some amazing and talented artists to help me pull of this vision.  Due to a few things still being finalized as far as my staff goes, I can tell you that I have done the appropriate edits to the screenplay, and the lead artist is my former student, the phenomenal Chad Schoettle.  Chad is a Cincinnati native, who is hands down the most talented comic book artist I have ever met and had the privilege to call a friend.  This is the best thing for my story, and the best thing for the fans, who after years of teases, will finally get to see this idea completed in some way shape or form.  MMSBC lives.  Now if only someone would buy the movie rights…

It’s really happening.

I think I found a store where everything is free.  I’m pretty sure it’s in China.  I’m sure you will have your pleasure.

http://www.wwwwwcom.com/

Has this blog become a nostalgia blog without even trying?  I think so.  I’ve been putting off writing this new entry for about a week.  There are two major explanations for this.  The first is being crammed to the max trying to prepare for the upcoming Summer Quarter classes, and the second, is rediscovering my love for Mortal Kombat.  It all started about two weeks ago, when my good friend and music collaborator/parter Shael, got his hands on an Xbox 360, a subscription to Live, and a billion Microsoft points.  After exhausting Street Fighter IV and HD Remix, I sort of jokingly suggested downloading Ultimate MK 3 for a good laugh and some friendly competition that would take us back a few years.  I figured we’d exchange matches for maybe an hour, have fun, and forget about it.  Not the case at all.  I had to be up at 8AM the next morning, and I’ll be damned if we didn’t play from about midnight ’til 3AM, with my brother at the computer shouting out fatalities and kombat kodes.  This may have been the most fun I’ve had online with a game in a long time.  It’s not the greatest fighting game ever.  In fact, it’s far from it.  I look at Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter the same way as Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair.  Mortal Kombat, like Hogan, in it’s heyday was the popular one.  MK managed to sell more merchandise, get more attention, and create more hype.  Street Fighter, like the Nature Boy, was the technically sound, overall better game from playability to presentation to longevity, you knew in your heart, once you stripped away the blood, guts, and techno, Johnny Cage and co. were simply average at best.  I have to admit, as a tweenager, I had MK fever.  I drank every last drop of the blood red Kool-Aid (heh, Cool with a K) John Tobias and Ed Boon fed me.  I still loved Street Fighter, but lets be honest, in the sixth grade it was way cooler to be a Mortal Kombat fan.  I had the game, which at the time of MKII’s release, had that big scary 17 sticker on the box. For some reason on family vacations I was allowed to play it in the arcades, but it took some trickery to score it on the SNES.

Part of the brilliant marketing of Mortal Kombat, and it’s sequel in particular, was the hype surrounding “Mortal Friday”.  I’ll never forget September 10, 1993.  Mortal Kombat II was hitting the home consoles, and I was going to be picking it up…on the Gameboy.  For some reason, I guess my mother decided it was fine for me to play in monochrome green, and that the SNES or Genesis version, with that big scary 17 sticker was too hardcore.  I settled and was fine with the Gameboy port for about 2 hours until I just couldn’t take it anymore.  I had a plan, and it was a damn good plan.  From time to time, whenever I would get a new Gameboy title, I would use my “one rental per week per good grade” coupon to rent the Super Gameboy for the SNES.  This device allowed for Gameboy games to be played on the TV via the console.  So as soon as I got home, I knew I was going to use my weekly rental, and I knew that I’d sucker my dad into taking me.  Do you see where this is going?  I remember the conversation like it was yesterday.  My brother came with me, and I had coached him ahead of time on, well, basically keeping his trap shut.  Wether the Super Gameboy was in stock or not, it wasn’t going to be.  It was mother flippin Mortal Friday, and I was determined to take home the SNES version.  My dad browsed for a movie, Ryan and I browsed for a game, and the conversation went a little something like this.  ”Did you guys find what you were looking for?”  I replied, “No, they didn’t have it, but I’m just going to rent Mortal Kombat for the millionth time.”  Hook, line, and sinker.  I went home, raced upstairs, grabbed the issue of Tips and Tricks with all of the illustrated fatalities, and played solo against a lifeless player 2 for 50 matches straight.  Not only did I achieve my goal of getting to play the SNES version of MKII, but I achieved something that I though no other player in the world knew.  After my 50th victory, performing a fatality, I was alarmed by a strange message on the screen.  ”Incredible winning streak!  A new warrior awaits you!”  I found Noob Saibot!  I’m back in Goro’s Lair!

Eventually, as in that Sunday, my mother found out about my master plan, and after sitting with me for a few minutes and watching the action on screen, she began to chuckle and see the game for what it was, harmless over the top camp.  Everyone should have a mom that cool.

Mortal mania lasted for quite a while.  Another long time friend of mine, Sean Donovan, often tells the story of meeting me for the first time in middle school.  He had just moved in to the neighborhood, and was actually my neighbor.  The first day he sat in class by my desk, I didn’t even bother to ask his name.  In fact, the first thing I asked him was “Are you a Mortal Kombat fan?”.  True story.  Sean and I still talk on Facebook from time to time, and if I had any sort of impact on him I’d have to say it’s turning him on to my favorite band of all time, Weezer.  I am a huge fan, and was a faithful Pinkerton nut throughout the dry period of 1997-2001.  I boasted about buying the Blue Album on the first day it was released in 1994.  Deep inside, as much as I love Weezer, the cold hard fact is that in 1994, my album of choice, was Mortal Kombat - The Album by The Immortals.  This article is one of three on my gaming in ‘93 series.  I made that up, but check back soon.  I have more to talk about on this subject.

If you ask my mother, she’ll tell you that I had more than a few obsessions growing up.  The first two I guess that I can really remember vividly is He-Man and Woody Woodpecker.  To this day, the Woody thing has really stuck with me, and I try to buy up as much vintage WWP stuff I can find.  WWP?  Did I just say type that?  I’m getting lazy already.  After the He-Man thing wore off with the hilariously bad New Adventures, by 1988 my focus shifted entirely to the Ninja Turtles.  I think it was impossible at that point to be 6 years old and not really get into the Turtles.  I bought my first figure, Leonardo, at a Walgreens.  It’s strange that I remember that.  What’s scarier, is that I remember my mother trying to convince me that “I had no idea what that was, and that I didn’t like it.”  I think she also said it was “gross”.  Somehow I managed to take it home, and it all started to unfold.  I had to have every single figure.  As the line grew, and became ultimately more cluttered with ridiculous characters (*ahem*MondoGecko*ahem*)  I realized it was going to be an impossible task to get them all.  Not only that, how many times do I need to buy Donatello?  What?  He’s in a basketball jersey?  It’s number 23?  He can shoot the ball?  Okay, I’ll take it…

I had a shit ton of Ninja Turtles, but looking back, I didn’t even come close to owning them all.  In fact, I’d say I was about 60 percent there.  Something strange happened in the second grade.  Not only were the Turtles popularity waning by this time, but my focus, again shifted to another obsession entirely.  It’s also strange that I remember the exact turning point of this shift, not unlike  how I remember the Walgreens incident.  

I don’t necessarily miss being in school, probably because I work in one, but some of the things I miss about being in grade school were all of the totally cool swag you would get before the school year started.  Erasers, Trapper Keepers, pencils, folders, lunch boxes, those things we kept our supplies in that we simply called “boxes”, this was the stuff that lessened the pain of going back to school.  I remember the second grade so clearly.  I got Ninja Turtles stuff, and man, I thought I would be hot shit as usual.  

“Hey guys, check out my Turtles stuff isn’t it…wait…guys?”

“Sorry Ricky, but you’ve been outdone.  Check out Andy’s sweet WWF Superstars pencils and folders!”

“WWF?  That show that comes on AFTER Captain N and all of the Saturday morning cartoons?”

From day one, Andy was my BFF.  We never actually had a “can you top this” contest, but I have to confess almost 20 years later, I was a jealous bastard.  Being the great friend that he was (still is), he bestowed upon me a complimentary pencil, featuring the likeness of non other than “Macho King” Randy Savage.  Who was this bearded guy with funky shades and stars on his crotch?  The answer soon became clear.  He was my new obsession.  In a matter of minutes I was educated on his feud with Dusty Rhodes, how he acquired the crown, and his upcoming match this weekend on Saturday Night’s Main Event - Oktoberfest Edition.  I told it’s scary how I remember this stuff, and trust me, it gets scarier.  One day Andy wasn’t at school for roll call one morning, and as it turned out, he was taking a half day at the eye doctor.  When he came back after lunch, he told me about the pit stop he made where he was rewarded for his eye doctor bravery, and earned the official WWF Hasbro Ring and a few figures.  By this point, I had been a regular follower of WWF on Saturday mornings, but was completely unaware of any action figures being made available.  As you can assume, I of course had to buy them all, collect them, yadda yadda.  But what you have to realize is that this isn’t evolving into just a simple story of me collecting and owning damn near every WWF figure Hasbro produced, but rather a story of how it changed the way I bought action figures for the rest of my childhood.

To answer the question early, I didn’t have all of them.  I tried…man, did I try!  The only series that eluded me was the coveted “Green Card” series released in 1994.  This set was impossible to find.  I remember seeing it at the flea market maybe a year after it’s release, with all of the figures priced around 20 to 50 dollars each.  Lame!   But from what I understand, it didn’t receive a high production run, and was hard to find for many wrestling fans.  The various series of figures seemed like eternities apart.  Not only that, but by the time a new wave of figures were released, so were several of the wrestlers!  (That’s wrestlings inside lingo for “being released from a contract”)  So to fill in that gap, and to broaden our roster we had to seek outside talent.  Living Room Supercards became populated with the likes of famous TV and animation icons such as Swamp Thing and The Terminator!  Not only that, they became mainstays in my own personal wrestling federation, gaining more favor with me (the booker!) than WWF hotshots like Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior!  Never again did I ever really per sue trying to collect another line of figures.  What wound up happening, is that  I would scout the action figure isle just as a WWF talent scout would scope out the independent circuit.  No one was safe from joining my federation.  At one point I had talent from Toxic Crusaders, Secret Wars, Beetlejuice, and even dollar store knock off wrestlers! Andy began the same trend, and we would tell tales of our homegrown superstars!  I think my favorite has to a creation of Andy’s, in which he proceeded to turn Amanaman from the Return of Jedi line into a bonafide wrestling superstar named Ravishing Rick Slime!  This man went from being an obscure nobody in the Star Wars universe, and transformed into a pro wrestling icon.

Talk about a severe clothesline!  How could you not take this guy serious as a wrestling champion?  Okay, don’t answer that.  What is even more amazing, is that we would trade figures in a way that guys from WWF would jump to WCW and vise-versa, and determine how long we could keep them “under contract”.  We were weird kids, and while I’d like to believe other kids took wrestling figures this seriously, I have my doubts.  Andy and I went on to host a very hip public access show and continue to work on project here and there.  In fact, you should listen to his podcast that he does with my cousin Steve.  Tell him Rick Slime sent ya!

I can’t sleep. I’m not sure if I am really bored, or if I am suffering from some kind of weird depression. I’ve been working on an album with my BFF Shael Riley, and I’m seriously behind on drumming. My job is going well, but for some reason I can’t shake this funk. I’m going to try my best to write it away in a new blog entry about what could possibly be my favorite thing in the world. What’s that you ask? Tune in later…

It’s been a long time.  Well, at least it seems like a long time.  

I made it to Arcade Legends Saturday for a Street Fighter IV tournament, and I have to tell you, this place is fantastic!  I recall being in Portland Oregon a few years ago falling madly in love with a place called Ground Kontrol, which at the time was quite possibly the coolest place on earth…until now!  So you’re probably wondering what this strip mall arcade next to a Mexican grocery store (awesomely named “The Mexican Store”) has that perhaps the previous champion of classic arcades does not.  I can sum it up very easily. THE COOLEST VENDING MACHINE EVER.

This is not a clever Photoshop manip.  I stood before a vending machine containing both an NES game AND some money from Iraq, both for the low price of only 75 cents!  I had one dollar in cash, which I knew I could very easily turn into quarters.  One of these two prizes are coming home with me, there is no denying that.  The only problem is which one?  The money is funny (haw haw!)  and Knight Rider is kinda cool, but I know for a fact that the game is ridiculously horrible.  I imagine a scenario where I try to pay for something with money from Iraq, like at an ice cream truck, but I think it plays out funnier in my head than it would in real life.  I gave myself some time to make the decision on my way to find some change.  Come to find out, the decision was made for me.  Someone had actually purchased Knight Rider, and next up in line was game that showcased a Gorilla on a surfboard.  I think my decision is safe in the NES game.

While it would be totally cool, the game is not actually called Gorilla Surfing.  In fact, for years I never knew exactly what this game was called.  I remember seeing it on the rental shelves at my local video store as a lad, but for some reason or another never rented it.  I miss mom and pop video stores so much.  You know, I snapped a bit the other day at a friend who was grumbling about a local music/guitar shop closing down in this “economic struggle”.  I got annoyed for one, simply because I can’t stand hearing about it, and two, when was the last time YOU actually bought something there?  Was Guitar Center more convenient and significantly cheaper? Probably.  But see, if I still had access to video stores like the one I had growing up, I’d imagine I’d still be accumulating late fees on a regular basis.  In fact, I’d haul my ass to Royal Video and rent the Toxic Avenger before I watched it all watered down on G4.  I’ve often been very unforgiving about people who still prefer to listen to music on vinyl because of it’s novelty and ironic nature, but to be honest, I kinda have this itch to watch a full screen movie on VHS.  Wait a second, wasn’t I talking about surfing Gorillas?  Lets talk about surfing. 

Where do I begin?  Well, I guess I’m glad I never rented this game.  It’s so bad that it doesn’t even deserve a review, but since I’m on a roll as it is, what the heck. 

Oh man. As the opening credits rolled I had a funny feeling about it. The feeling got worse as the game progressed. It is virtually unplayable.  As awesome as a gorilla surfing sounds, I can tell you that this is sincerely a major let down.  Just remaining upright on your board for more that a few seconds is a major feat. I will say it does feature appealing, bright and fun graphics, and the background music is fun to listen to. There’s a two-player mode, but it’s alternating only, and that’s too bad. On the whole, it’s basically a turd.  I’m so let down by Town and Country Surf Designs.  Oh yeah, that’s it’s real name.  I still like Gorilla Surfing. 

So I’m blogging from my new HP Mini that I got from Microcenter yesterday.  Why do people keep asking me if I got it at Verizon?  I thought they sold phones.  Nevermind that.  The real reason I am updating is because tomorrow I am going to the great ARCADE LEGENDS for a Street Fighter IV tourney!  Expect a full recap and report.  I wish I had something cool and novel to blog about this evening, but I haven’t really ran into anything as interesting as Bubble Yum sod..er…I mean, drink.  I bought a Wild Cherry Diet Pepsi that I have yet to try, but regradless if it’s nasty or full of yum, the can design is fantastic.  Look at this thing!

I have always prefered Coca-Cola to Pepsi, and have been on an unusual Vanilla Coke trip these days.  I have to say, who ever is responsible for the typestyle on the can where the word Vanilla is written should have their eyes examined.  It’s horrible.  Did someone write this with a Sharpie?  As a graphic design teacher, I would have failed the student who thought that was a good idea.  Okay, I lied, I wouldn’t have done that.  What I would do is correct them and pass along the understanding why this is a HORRIBLE idea.  It’s a shame that one of my favorite soda drinks has to have the ugliest can ever.  What do you guys think?

Still tastes better than anything Pepsi.

I have a job that requires me to sit down a lot.  I’ll admit, I’m a little overweight.  Just a little.  I think I’d be really okay is it wasn’t for soda.  I love soda.  I am especially a sucker for those of the novelty variety, and have been known to stock up like it’s Armageddon if I have a hunch that a particular soda I dig is on the verge of being discontinued.  Okay, I don’t really do that, but there have been days when I’ve wished that I could just pop open the fridge and grab a Mountain Dew Pitch Black II or a Coca-Cola C2.  I can remember however, hoarding  cans of Mario Punch for months in the bottom compartment of our fridge in 1993.  We were on Vacation in Panama City, and I found the soda to be not only totally awesome given the fact that it was soda based on the Mario-verse, but the soda was actually really super good!  Ever since then, I’ve been willing to try just about anything, hoping that one day I can find Mario Punch just under a different disguise.  Now, I know it was a Shasta product, and I’m willing to bet it’s still around under some hokey name, but I’ve searched high and low and I have yet to find a Shasta Cola dealer in my hood.  Readers?  Oh wait, I don’t have readers yet.

Anyway!  Today at around 3:30 I decided it was fatty time, and made my way to the Downtown Convenience Store, a super classy joint.  I can’t help but be distracted by the weird calling card with the cooky looking chicken on it.  What country is this?  Readers?  Gah!  Anyway, I was going for the usual Coca-Cola Vanilla, when a bright red bottle caught my eye.  All I could see from the other side of the refrigerator door was the words yum and sour.  Ladies and gentlemen, Bubble Yum Sour Cherry…drink?

I have to tell you, upon getting back to work (and being rained on) I was pretty stoked about taking this bottle for a ride.  Okay, that sounds kinda weird.  I wanted to taste it.  Stop! Okay, I was eager to…ugh.  You can’t say eager without sounding perverse either.  Here we go, let’s have at it…

Oh man.  This is very much not a soda.  It has zero carbonation.  Double whammy!  It also tastes like the sticky gunk on a Popsicle that’s been in your fridge since your first birthday. Flat out atrocious.

I had to quickly hurry up and drink from a flat Diet Mountain Dew from earlier this morning and immediately chew on some Pepperoni Pizza combos.  This was awful.  It’s not sour in a good way.  It doesn’t have that nice sting like say, Mountain Dew Pitch Black did.  This is just a horrible drink.  Who’s responsible for this?  Well, a little research on the side label is all it takes.

Ah ha!  Elizabeth Beverage Company in New Castle, DE!  Lets do some research, shall we?

“Elizabeth Beverage Co. LLC headquartered in New Castle, Delaware specializes in the development, marketing and sales of new and existing beverage brands. Soft drinks, new age beverages, spring water, purified water, flavored and enhanced water and anything else that can be put in a bottle or can.”

Anything, eh?  Well I’d say that’s 100 percent fact, because ‘ol EB here has managed to successfully bottle red piss.  Oh wait!  There’s more!

“In addition to our our fine products, we provide the food and beverage industry with a wide variety of private label brands serving all levels of retail and institutional customers. ”

Yep.  So for those of you interested, this is the same company responsible for a Jolly Rancher soda as well.  They had this at the store right next to this turd, and because it’s clearly labeled as a soda I’d be willing to give it a go.  But what I really want to know, is what EB has in the snack department.  Upon finding and browsing the official company website, it is apparently under some pretty heavy construction.  I guess all of the time went into those sweet flash buttons.

It’s early on a post holiday work day, and while I wanted to update with something a little more juicy, and I still may do that later on, I wanted to share with everyone a totally awesome place. 

The arcade, as a business model, just doesn’t cut it anymore.  Anyone who believes otherwise is a fool.  Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s a sad fact that a new generation of people growing up will never experience what it’s like to play someone head to head, face to face in a public place as opposed to communicating with a lame looking headset with mumbled scratchy voices that you can barely make out.  However, there is a place where we old timers can spend a few dollars and be taken back to much happier place than XBOX Live.  It’s called Arcade Legends, and it’s a new kind of way to experience the classic style arcade.

If you happen to be in the Cincinnati Tri-State area, please check this out.  I will be doing a full review of the place sometime really soon on the blog, but until then give them your ten dollars, have a good time, and tell them Ricky sent you.

http://www.arcadelegendsohio.com